


making room on a boat i built for one

by celaenos



Category: Push (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, Holiday Fic Exchange, Misses Clause Challenge, Post-Movie(s), Rule 63, Yuletide 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 12:22:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8844868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celaenos/pseuds/celaenos
Summary: She finds them in Berlin.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skimthrough (proofinyou)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/proofinyou/gifts).



> happy yuletide!! i hope you enjoy.

She finds them in Berlin.

There are a few new colors in Cassie’s hair, but otherwise, she looks almost exactly as Kira left her. Nicki looks tired. Kira stands in the door front of the hole in the wall deli as the two of them sit in a booth and just stare at her. She fidgets with her scarf and bag. Nicki finally stands, a smile etching out onto her face, and she runs over and tugs Kira in for a hug.

“Glad you came,” she whispers against Kira’s temple. “Knew you would.”

Kira doesn’t believe her. But the joy on Nicki’s face at the sight of her isn’t faked, and that means something. Nicki doesn’t take her hand, but they move over towards the booth in a unison that seems familiar, despite the cloudiness in Kira’s brain as of late.

“Hi,” Cassie greets her, voice clipped.  

“Hello,” Kira answers. Finding a thirteen-year-old intimidating makes her feel ridiculous.

Nicki slips back into the booth beside Cassie, leaving Kira alone facing the two of them. They’re more comfortable with each other than they were when Kira left. Cassie reaches over and swipes some fries off of Nicki’s plate, and Nicki pushes a strand of Cassie’s hair out of the ketchup. Casually, without even really looking at her. Kira swallows uncomfortably, remembering the feeling of Nicki’s fingers running through her own hair. It seems impossible that she would forget that.

And yet.

“Did you kill him?” Cassie asks directly. A woman in the booth across from them looks up sharply. Nicki pinches Cassie’s forearm. “Well,” she jabs at Nicki with her plastic fork. “Did you?”

“Yes,” Kira reaches out and takes Nicki’s water glass. Sipping it while they both stare at her. Cassie’s glare doesn’t disappear, but it seems to lessen slightly. Nicki’s face is unreadable to Kira; it didn’t used to be.

“We’ve got a month’s lease on a really shitty apartment,” she says, as if that had always been the topic of conversation. “Are you staying?”

Cassie decidedly does not look up at Kira. She presses a fingernail into a fry until it’s mushed into nothing. Some of her purple nail polish chips off into it. Nicki’s eyes never leave Kira’s face. Abruptly, Kira wants to say no. She wants to get up and run away from the both of them. Their closeness, her otherness, it makes her skin crawl. She croaks out a _yes_ anyhow, because really, where else is she going to go?

…

…

The apartment is truly a shithole.

There’s only one bed, a sink that drips continuously throughout the night in the small kitchenette, and water pressure in the shower that is almost unbearable to suffer through. There’s a smell, none of them know its origin, and no one wants to find out.

But no one comes looking for them here.

So.

Kira’s beyond exhausted, and she can see the bags underneath Nicki’s eyes showing just how little sleep she’s gotten in the last few weeks. Cassie postures around for a bit, but eventually can’t keep herself from yawning whether she wants to or not.

It’s awkward to say the least. Nicki lies in the middle of them, her tall lithe body barely fitting as Cassie takes up as much space as possible and Kira tries not to touch either of them. The last time that she shared a bed with Nicki, things hadn’t exactly been _simple_ but they’d been simpler. She doesn’t know how to apologize for someone else putting thoughts into her brain. She’s not sure if she should even have to.

Nicki says goodnight, to her, or to Cassie, Kira’s not exactly sure. The both of them perhaps. As tired as she is, sleep seems lacking. Eventually, Kira crawls out of the bed and slips into the bathroom, the only other room in the apartment beyond a tiny closet.

The quiet rap on the door is all the notice Kira receives before Nicki’s face appears in the crack, sheepish smile peering down on her. “Hey,” she whispers. “Can’t sleep?”

Kira shakes her head. “Sorry.”

Nicki slips inside and gently shuts the door. “Don’t apologize, the bed’s lumpy.”

Kira laughs and Nicki’s face lights up, clearly, this was her intention all along. “That’s not what I’m apologizing for,” she explains.

Nicki sits down on the edge of the bathtub, facing Kira as she rests on the closed toilet seat. “Kira… you don’t have to…”

“I do. I want to.”

Nicki swallows, then nods. “Okay,” she says, “apology accepted then.”

“I forgot about Coney Island,” Kira admits.

“Yeah.”

Kira picks at the frayed edge of her dress. “Remind me?” she asks. Because the pieces aren’t all there yet. Carver’s death released her from his _Push_ , but everything is still just a bit hazy. Out of reach.

Nicki’s smile widens, and she tells Kira everything. Whispering into the odd echo of the bathroom, she laughs and fills in the edges of things that Kira can only grasp at. By the time exhaustion has taken over the both of them, Kira nearly feels like she remembers. There’s an awkward lull, one where in any other situation would have Kira leaning forward and placing her lips on Nicki’s. She wants to. Even obviously exhausted, Nicki is beautiful. But she feels Nicki lean back, her fingers twitching against her bare legs.

“We should get some sleep,” Kira offers instead. “You look like shit.”

It gives her the soft smile that she was aiming for. Nicki rises, her cotton shorts suddenly right at Kira’s eye level. “Well, I’m basically raising a hellion thirteen-year-old now.”

“Right,” Kira looks towards the bedroom. “How’s that going?”

Nicki shrugs, arms coming up to hug herself. Her hair falls into her face and Kira has the urge to push it back for her. She clenches her hands into fists instead and stands up. “It’s… weird. Kinda good. We’ll find her mom soon.”

“And if you don’t?” Kira prompts.

Nicki’s jaw sets. “We will.”

She doesn’t sound as sure as she wants to be. “Okay,” Kira reaches out and tugs one of Nicki’s hands into her own and rubs her thumb along the back of it. “We will.”

They fall asleep with their hands still entwined together. Despite the lumpiness of the bed, and Cassie rolling around whacking into them, it’s the best night’s sleep Kira’s had in over a month.

…

…

They fall into a sort of routine.

None of them can cook, so Nicki usually shuffles out of the apartment as soon as she wakes, scrounging up steaming coffee and pastries for the lot of them. Kira forgot how much of an early riser Nicki is, and she constantly grumbles and sinks further into the blankets whenever Nicki tries to rouse her. Cassie, knee deep in puberty, sleeps in even longer than Kira when allowed, and wakes even more grumpy. The two of them let her sleep in. Kira props her knees up against the kitchen table and sips her coffee while Nicki gleefully stuffs pastries into her mouth. Sometimes they talk, sometimes they eat together in a comfortable silence. With each day that passes, Kira starts to feel more and more like herself. Bits of her memories begin coming back to her: Nicki, tripping all over herself after Kira convinced her to try ice skating at Rockefeller Center once; the two of them kissing, Kira rubbing ice cream all over Nicki’s face; running hand in hand down an alley away from Division agents; sleeping in Nicki’s oversized t-shirts; the look on her face with Kira’s mouth between her legs, their hands clasped together and sweaty.

They don’t touch each other now. Not deliberately; the apartment is too small to try and avoid any contact. They’re constantly brushing up against each other as they pass for the bathroom, to the sink, from the bed. Kira feels like she’s been shocked each time, Nicki’s skin on her own electric somehow. She can see in Nicki’s face that it’s the same for her, but she’s not ready for anything more.

Kira accidentally forgot their entire relationship and sort of tried to kill her, after all. She doesn’t know how much, but clearly, something like that takes a bit of time to get past. For both of them.

So, they sit across from each other and joke, make half assed plans to leave Berlin and find Cassie’s mother, their fingers brushing, eyes constantly searching. The days fill up slowly, but somehow, a week’s gone by and it almost feels like it used to.

Except for the thirteen-year-old elephant in the room.

Cassie is belligerent, snappish, and constantly irritated. Kira’s very presence in her life seems to aggravate her. Kira remembers how it felt to be thirteen, and she has no idea how much that must be heightened by Cassie’s ability, and the fact that her mother is imprisoned, so she tries to give Cassie the benefit of the doubt.

Her patience only goes so far.

By the second week, they’ve clearly all been cooped up in this tiny apartment for far too long. Cassie snaps and throws her sketch pad across the room in frustration, hitting Kira in the shoulder. Intentionally or not, Nicki loses it.

Kira sits quietly while Nicki yells at Cassie for nearly five minutes, then she _Pushes_ them both. It’s the first time she’s used her ability on them, and it makes her skin crawl a little bit. Nicki and Cassie both sit across from each other, still glaring, but silent. “I think everyone needs a break,” Kira says.

“We could go out and eat,” Nicki offers. The Push is working. Cassie grumbles, but nods, and the three of them leave the apartment.

Cassie ties up her hair with a shoelace at the same time that Kira does. They both blink at each other awkwardly while Nicki laughs and thanks the waiter for their menus. Kira studies Cassie over the menu, she hasn’t really tried to get to know the girl, it’s probably time she changes that.

“What are you getting?” she asks.

Cassie looks up, her face wary. “A burger,” she finally says, dropping the menu down on the table.

“Sounds good,” Kira says. “Me too.”

Nicki orders for them in terrible, choppy German, and the three of them sip at their waters in silence while they wait for their food. The sound of forks clinking, and conversations happening around them in German is stifling. Kira ties the wrapping of her straw into knots until it’s a mess.

“So, are you two dating or what?” Cassie finally asks, breaking the silence. Kira opens her mouth to say something, but one look at Nicki’s panicked face and nothing comes out. She shrugs instead as the waiter brings over their burgers. Cassie rolls her eyes dramatically. “It’s a yes or no question,” she says, taking a bite of a fry. “Not that hard.”

“It’s complicated,” Nicki finally says.

“Why?” Cassie asks. “You both clearly want to jump each other’s bones; it’s getting annoying to watch.”

“Cassie!” Nicki yelps.

Cassie shrugs innocently. “I’m just saying, it seems pretty simple to me.”

“Well, it’s not,” Kira says. Both of them finally turn and look at her, matched expressions of surprise on their faces. “But, she does have a point,” Kira directs at Nicki, feeling brave. Nicki’s eyebrows shoot up. “You said it yourself, we had a really good thing. I for one, would like to go back to it someday.”

Nicki gapes at her, and Cassie laughs. “Wow, you’re not smooth at all,” she teases.

Kira takes a delicate bite of a fry off of Nicki’s plate and delights in the way her mouth opens and closes before she catches herself. “Yeah… well… eat up,” she scolds Cassie. Her foot reaches out and lightly kicks Kira’s shin underneath the table. “Both of you.”

Kira smirks, and does as she’s told.

…

…

It only takes three days for them to act on their feelings. Cassie stalks out of the apartment early in the morning, claiming that she’s got _better things to do than watch you two make moony-eyes at each other all day_ and they’re left alone with nothing but the bare bones of a plan and the drug in the middle of the kitchen table.

“Division’s got a branch headquarters in London,” Nicki says. “Odds are pretty good that’s where Cassie’s mom is being held. It’s the biggest headquarters that I know of. Kira? Are you listening to me?”

“Sorry,” Kira meets her eye. “Yes.”

“No you’re not,” Nicki laughs and tosses the papers down onto the table.

“No,” Kira admits with a smile. “I’m not. Sorry.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“You,” Kira says simply. Because it’s been long enough. Because they’ve got the place to themselves right now. Because this has been building and building and Kira feels like she’s going to burst. Because _nothing_ in their lives are certain at the moment, but all Kira knows is that she wants Nicki.

Nicki wastes no time once the admission is out in the open. She’s out of her chair and in Kira’s lap in half a second, and then their mouths are connecting. Nicki makes a sound, and Kira feels it all the way at the back of her throat. They’re on the bed in less than a minute, (perk of the incredibly tiny apartment) and Kira gets Nicki’s shirt off, thrilled at her lack of bra. Her mouth immediately finds its way to Nicki’s breast and she groans at the sound Nicki makes in response. A few minutes of fumbling later, and they’re both fully naked, hands and mouths roaming hungrily. And it’s just like Kira remembers. Clear as a bell. No hint of fogginess, or false memories. Just her, and Nicki. Nothing else matters in this moment.

Nicki flips them over and bends down, sucking on Kira’s tongue. She bites at her lip and moves down Kira’s neck to run her hands over Kira’s chest, slowly. Her thumb moves in a small, gentle circle around Kira’s nipple and she hisses and arches her back up at the contact.

“Nicki,” she groans. “I – I need, please.”

Nicki laughs into Kira’s mouth, moving her hand south and _agonizingly_ slowly slipping a finger through Kira’s folds. An embarrassing guttural moan escapes from Kira’s throat. Nicki laughs again, moving her lips down towards Kira’s collarbone.

“I missed this,” she whispers between kisses.

Kira reaches down and quickly moves to return the favor, relishing in the whimper that slips out of Nicki at the first moment of contact. The two of them build up a rhythm together, and in seconds, they’re both breathing hard. They come together, Nicki sagging her entire body weight on top of Kira. She laughs, and kisses at the closest part of Nicki that she can reach, which turns out to be her ear.

“So did I,” she finally answers.

Nicki smiles into Kira’s chest, her eyes closed. Kira wraps her arms around Nicki and sighs. Her body feels boneless and fantastic, Nicki’s breath warm on her chest, she doesn’t worry about Division, or Cassie’s mom, or anything that isn’t this moment. Nicki lifts her head up and grins, kissing her quickly before dropping back down and relaxing, and Kira drifts off to sleep.

…

…

Cassie picks up on the fact that they’re back together immediately. Her face wrinkles and she rolls her eyes, shedding her jacket and ignoring them both as she slips into the bathroom. Kira can hear the water from the shower moments later.

When Cassie comes out, hair damp, she glares down at the both of them. “I’m not sharing a bed with you two if your fucking,” she says bluntly.

Nicki blushes so deeply it’s astounding. “Cassie,” she hisses. “ _Obviously,_ we wouldn’t… _god._ ”

Cassie shrugs, then flings herself down into the covers. “Whatever,” she rolls over onto her side, as far away from Kira as she can get without falling off of the bed. “I don’t give a shit.”

Very clearly, she _does._

Their lack of a plan becomes unbearable. The apartment, far too small already, becomes so claustrophobic that all three of them are snapping at each other within another week. Cassie has a screaming fit with Nicki, accusing her of not giving a single shit about Cassie, or her mother anymore now that she has her _precious girlfriend_ back.

The slam of the door as she leaves causes a terrible, small sound to escape from Nicki’s lips.

“Wait,” Kira says, holding her back. “I’ll go after her.”

“But—”

“She’s not mad at you Nicki,” Kira says softly. “She’s just scared that me being here means she’s getting left behind. It’s me.”

“No, that’s not—” Nicki swallows thickly, “—I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know.”

“We’re getting her mother back,” Nicki insists.

“I know.” Kira wraps a scarf around herself. “I’m going to go make sure that she does.”

She finds Cassie sitting on a carousel, shivering. Kira doesn’t say anything as she drops down onto a unicorn across from her, just unwraps her scarf and passes it over. For a moment, she doesn’t think that Cassie will take it. Then, her hand reaches out.

“We’re going to London tomorrow,” Kira says. Making the decision in that moment.

Cassie whips her head around in surprise. “Nicki said that?”

Kira shakes her head. “But she’ll agree with me. We can sit around and talk about plans over and over, but none of it matters. We’ve just got to try at this point, don’t you think?”

“What if…” Cassie works at her bottom lip, the scarf swaying in her hands. “What if she’s not…”

“Then we’ll figure something else out,” Kira promises. Cassie looks up and meets her eye. They widen at the sight of someone behind her. Kira doesn’t turn around to look, if they were dangerous, Cassie would look afraid, not shocked. Instead, Kira pulls out two shoelaces from her pocket. Tying her hair up with one, she passes the other over to Cassie. “We’ll find your mother Cassie,” she promises. “Until then, let’s ride this damn thing. Nicki!” she calls over her shoulder. “Give us a push!”

Nicki beams and sticks out her arm. Cassie lets out a bright laugh, holding on tightly and grinning. Nicki _Moves_ the carousel faster and faster, then runs and jumps on right beside Kira. An arm snakes around her waist, and she kisses Kira’s cheek before moving over to stand between them both, one hand holding onto Kira’s unicorn, the other grasping onto Cassie’s dragon. The wind whips past them, and Kira lifts her face up to catch it, listening to the mixture of Nicki and Cassie’s laughter as she smiles into the breeze.


End file.
